Make Lovin’ Fun
I was driving to the office flipping through the radio channels and heard “You Make Lovin’ Fun” by Fleetwood Mac. A smile appeared on my face as I thought of my wife, Miriam. It got me wondering, “What makes loving her so much fun?”
I have found a lot of frustrated couples in my life as a pastor. Many struggle in silence until the pain they are experiencing in their silence becomes heavier than their fear of people finding out that their marriage isn’t what people perceive it to be. Marriage can be fun and fortunately, it doesn’t have to be complicated to be fun. What can we do to make lovin’ fun in marriage?
- If you want to make lovin’ fun, love your spouse the way they want to be loved, not the way you want to be loved. The default way in which we tend to love is the way we want to be loved. This only works if your spouse has the same love language. Find out how your spouse receives love and love like that.
- If you want to make lovin’ fun, know what your spouse values and focus on those areas. If you don’t know what your spouse values then plan a date and let it be known a week in advance that the topic for dinner conversation will be an exploration of what we value and how to allow our expressed love to be shaped by what we value. You will need to prepare for that date.
- If you want to make lovin’ fun, play together. If you look back to the time before marriage, jobs, kids, etc., you will probably see how much fun you used to have together. If you are not careful, marriage, jobs, kids, bills and medical needs can rob a marriage of its fun. If you struggle to think of a way to have fun, try and recreate some of your first dates. I know that you may be thousands of miles from that place so get creative. Creativity will add to the fun.
- If you want to make lovin’ fun, keep your expectations low and your commitment high. I know this sounds wholly unromantic but hear me out. High expectations are often a sign of selfish thought. “I expect my spouse to (fill in the blank) for me! If they don’t, why would I ever (fill in the blank)!” This is a sign of high expectations and low commitment. The selfless love of Christ always empties itself for the other with no thought for the self. Marriage is fun when both the husband and wife live this selfless way. However, when one spouse refuses to live this way the other spouse is not given permission by God to abandon Christ’s example. Love selflessly until death separates you with no exceptions.
- If you want to make lovin’ fun, make sure your marriage evolves with the seasons. I am not talking about Spring, Winter and Fall. I am talking about life before kids, with kids, with teenagers, after kids, in new places, in health troubles and into senior adulthood. In order to make lovin’ fun you must recognize the season you are in and adjust your marriage accordingly. Couples with kids often forget about each other because kids can consume the home. In that season of life with kids you must go on dates where jobs and kids are off-limit topics of discussion. Go on a date and talk about anything but the job and kids. Each season presents challenges and opportunities that can bless your marriage. Know your season and intentionally plan to make lovin’ fun.
You may read this and be in a really bad place in your marriage. It is never too late to make lovin’ fun. Christ has shown us love. Christ has sent the Holy Spirit to empower His love in you. He can restore your home and make lovin’ fun.
You may read this and be in a really good place in your marriage. Trust me, the season will change and new challenges will arise. Lean in on Christ who has shown us love. Lean in on Christ who sends the Holy Spirit to empower His love in you. He can help you keep lovin’ fun.