Celebrate Singleness

I think I owe my single friends an apology. I fear that I have been sucked into giving exclusive attention to the squeaky wheel. The squeaky wheel in most congregations is the need of the family - discipling children and strengthening marriages. However, our singles don’t have a marriage to strengthen and may not have children. How can we celebrate singleness?

The first thing that may come to mind is for our local churches to start a singles ministry. Unfortunately, the idea behind most of these is that they will attract singles with the hope that many of them will find the love of their life and get married. If we are not careful, even a singles ministry can continue to reinforce the idea that there is something less to life as a single person. How can we celebrate singleness? 

 

  1. The single person is whole in Christ. This must be our resolute belief. There is nothing in Scripture that indicates a person is less than a whole person until they are married. It was not good for the first man to be alone so God created the first woman. We don’t have a population problem today. None of us need marriage to fix our loneliness. The single person can have God honoring, celibate relationships that meet ones relational needs. Jesus and the Apostle Paul are clear examples for us.
  2. Sex is not the summation of intimacy but is one path toward intimacy. Christians need to get this right. There is more than one way to meet ones need for intimacy but if we don’t proclaim this from the rooftops then our singles will continue to believe that the only path to discover intimacy is through a marriage they don’t want or by violating the biblical parameters for sex. Sex is an important part of the expression of intimacy in marriage. For the single person, however, there are other ways for intimacy to be celebrated and realized that have absolutely no connection to sexual expressions.
  3. We need to do a better job about teaching our singles on how to realize their need for intimacy in single, celibate contexts. Non-sexual physical touch, time, gifts and similar expressions need to be encouraged in our Church Body contexts. These acts of expressed intimacy will encourage full participation of our singles into the full life of the Body. Singles do not need intimacy less than married persons but are given fewer opportunities to realize their needs. I would rejoice to see expressions of love and care that transcend marital status in our congregation in new and creative ways. 
  4. The church needs to figure out how to include singles in congregational contexts. Have you ever noticed that our tables for fellowship often have 6, 8 or 10 chairs? When a single sits down at that table, it is a declaration that someone is missing or that the single person is incomplete. Why not have an odd number of chairs at our tables so our singles can fellowship without an empty chair beside them? Let’s think strategically about the ways we communicate value to single persons in our congregations.
  5. Lastly, let us take some time to listen to the single people in our congregations. I have been married for 25 years. I have been married longer than I was single and need my views to be shaped by the thoughts of the single person. If we can reconnect our singles to the Body of Christ in new, innovative or even historic ways, the Body of Christ will be stronger. Additionally, our singles will experience new and vital life that they have been longing to experience.

To those of you reading this who are single, I would love to hear from you. You can contact me through my website and let me know how I can be a better pastor, leading a stronger congregation that equips you to be a passionate Christ-follower. I stand with you and will do all that is in my power to help you feel the support of the church in your journey of faith. If I hear from enough of you I will update this blog with a new one based on your thoughts. Now, let’s go actively love each other!